Life Unmoored

Reflections on thriving in uncertainty.
Mind, Body & Business

Mind, Body & Business

Day 60, the end of a good week. On point with the diet. Same for the workout regimen. Well, I fell short of my 20 mile running goal (15.9), but went a bit over on cycling (51 vs. 50), so not bad. Six days in all. How about the App? Not a stellar week, but I didn't completely neglect it. Still swinging the axe. I remain committed. Come tomorrow, it starts a new. All the miles. All the pain. All the sacrifices. Forget about them. No medal. No trophy. Just the inner knowing that you're living on your own terms. Making the time to do the lonely work. Is it worth it? It's definitely an adjustment. Not just for me, but for my family. I'm simply not around as much. Physically, mentally and culturally.  I'm training, I'm working, I'm off the meat. They're being great, but I can tell it's taking some getting used to. My entire philosophy's done a 180. The guy my wife married back in September, ain't the guy she's waking up to today. Our life was one of live for the moment. I guess I'm doing the same now, but instead of reaching for the quick buzz, I'm opting for the grind. The buzz that comes from the suffering. The early mornings. The early evenings. Sandwiched in between, all the usual stuff–work, kids, chores, errands–plus, my new lifestyle. Retreating after work to get in a solid hour on the bike or a run. The extra meal prep to make a bunch of plants look like something other than a salad or veggie burger. It's a markedly different way to live than what we were all accustom to and it's all been about me. I've done my best to minimize to the impact. I could pretty much live on beans and rice, but my wife, she's a homemaker. Cooking and serving is her thing. It's her why. And she won't let me sit off to the side. She's put it on herself to do double-duty, making meals for her and I and meals for the kids. And slowly but surely, I think they're all kind of coming around to the idea that this plant-based thing ain't so bad. Give to my wife. She's a good cook. Regardless, it's not been easy. But I made a decision awhile back: Change and let the world adjust. If the previous 8 years of chaos were about anything, they were about putting everyone else's needs before my own. And that wasn't getting us anywhere. Just treading water. I'm the catalyst. I'm the guy they look to to put beans on the table. If my energy's bad. If my focus is scattered. If my outlook is dire. None of this works. To do great things, the kind of things I need to get done, I needed to to radically re-invent myself. I'm not even close to where I need to be, but I'll tell you what: the foundation is laid. I'm stronger. I'm thinking more clearly. And I'm in a bit more control--as much as a guy in my boots can be. 

You Don't Need A Purpose.

You Don't Need A Purpose.

The Leap

The Leap